130 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
==Phrack Inc.==
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Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #2 of 10
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_-><-_==_{[The REAL Phreaker's Guide Part II]}_==_-><-_
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or
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How To/Not To Be Elite!
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Written by
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Taran King and Knight Lightning
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So, you're willing to give up EVERYTHING to be elite, huh? Well,
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you've come to the right place. We know from EXPERIENCE. We know FIRST HAND.
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We know because we ARE ELITE (not elite, ELITE).
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Some of you may recall our first version of this file which was
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released years ago. That was when we were young and immature. We are now
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much more mature and ELITE and you aren't so there. Here's the file, learn
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it, love it, live it, leach it.
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!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
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Real phreaks don't utilize anything pertaining to phreaking/hacking in their
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handles (Phantom PHREAKER, CODES Master, CODE Manipulator, Bill from RNOC,
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Perpetual PHREAK, Luke VAXHACKER, VMS Consultant, Holophax PHREAKER,
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Ubiquitous HACKER, Dr. HACK, PHREAKY Floyd, Broadway HACKER, The Mad HACKER,
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The PHREAKazoid, PHREAKenstein, Dan The OPERATOR, and ORYAN QUEST).
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Corollary: Real phreaks or hackers don't have ORYAN QUEST in their name.
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Real phreaks don't get in trouble when people harass their parents (Phucked
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Agent 04, The Executioner, and Oryan Quest).
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Corollary: Real phreaks don't name themselves Oryan Quest if they know that
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they're going to receive harassing phone calls.
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Real phreaks don't look like celebrities (Mark Tabas - Tom Petty, Shooting
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Shark - Mork from Ork, Telenet Bob - Danny Partridge (200 pounds later), John
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Draper - Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, The Executioner - All of the
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group members of Loudness, Broadway Hacker/The Whacko Cracko Bros. - Tommy
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Flenagan, Mr. Zenith's mother - Fred Sanford, The Lineman - Spanky, Sigmund
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Fraud - The Great Pumpkin, and Oryan Quest - the Mexican cab driver in D.C.
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Cab).
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Corollary: Real phreaks didn't crawl under a fence to become a citizen of the
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United States of America.
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Real phreaks don't go to Tap (Dead Lord, Cheshire Catalyst, Sid Platt, and
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Oryan Quest).
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Corollary: Real phreaks don't piss Taran King off so that they would get a
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rag file dedicated to them.
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Real phreaks don't name their group after a real phreak (New religion:
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Luthorian.)
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Real phreaks don't get busted and come back numerous times (The Whacko Cracko
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Bros., Dr. Who, Mark Tabas, Holophax Phreaker, and Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't get kicked out of the FBI (Ahem!).
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Real phreaks can't speak 2600 in their normal, everyday voice (Ax Murderer,
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The Wizard, The Preacher, and Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't have busha-bushas (Eric Corley, John Maxfield, The Bootleg,
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and not Oryan Quest's mother).
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Real phreaks aren't religious fanatics (The Preacher, The Pope, The Exorcist,
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Magnetic Pope, All Members of Cult of the Dead Cow, Mr. Zenith's mom, The
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Prophet, Lucifer 666, Angel of Destiny, and Satan [Oh, and Oryan Quest]).
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Real phreaks don't use vaseline for mousse (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't eat tacos for breakfast, burritos for lunch, and
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enchilladas for dinner (Oryan Quest).
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Corollary: Real phreaks don't need to get the cheese for their Mexican dinner
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from the government (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't claim to get busted 3 times to make a good reputation as a
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phreaker or hacker for themselves (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't answer to "Paco" (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't use Maintenance Busy in an effort to unleash with full
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force (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks can rag on better things than an individual's mom (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks' caps lock didn't get stuck when signing their first message
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after they typed their first name (Oryan QUEST).
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Real phreaks don't claim to know more than 65% of the phreak world (Oryan
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Quest).
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Real phreaks don't have a girlfriend that needs to shave...their face (Oryan
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Quest).
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Real phreaks haven't been around for 4 years without accomplishing something
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(Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks CAN'T argue with their parents in Spanish (Oryan Quest).
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Real phreaks don't:
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Cash $5,000,000 checks.
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Card minicomputers.
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Card gold.
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Get busted for hacking but let off due to police brutality (?!?).
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Write books on the topic.
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Say they're from outside of Illinois when working for Illinois Bell.
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!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
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You, the reader, must understand that this is all written with the
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very least in seriousness (except that written about Oryan Quest). Anything
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contained in the file is just poking fun at people without trying to really
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make them feel bad (except for Oryan Quest).
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To the various people that have contributed various pieces and bits
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to this file, we wish to extend great thanks for your innovativeness (or lack
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thereof).
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Now, you too, can be ELITE.
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!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
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